Too Cool

My friends are the best...

Because this is part of a conversation I just had with my friend Kelly.

Me: You can't get fired for kool aid tampons
Kelly: I couldn't get fired for anything obscene that I did considering that on my best day I'm not nearly as obnoxious as these guys
Me: True.... but I'm pretty sure pelting them with period blood might be crossing the line

We accept cash, credit cards, and juice boxes.

A religious boy distractedly wandered into the store this afternoon. He didn't look at me, or any of the other people in the store. Nor was he looking at the clothing. He just kept looking all around the floor area, and corners. I finally asked him if I could help him. He looked up with this big grin on his face, and walked over to the desk with his hand out. There was a crumpled juice box in there. He said, "Looking to make a donation."

He wanted a garbage, of course. But I am slow, and it took me a second to figure that out.

It is called a "Shower" people!

People smell. They smell like the foods they cook. They smell like the offices they work in.They smell like body oder. They smell like miscellaneous scents that I can't place. They come in with their scents, and leave their smells all over the clothes.

A woman bought a bodysuit this afternoon. She had tried it on first, and when she brought it up to the register, I was assaulted by a horrible stench emitting from what I believe was the crotch area. How gross is that?

I'm thinking of investing in a gas mask. Or making people pass a smell-test before they can try on clothing. Although, then I'd have to get really close to their stank. Maybe I'll just get one of those fans that strap around your neck. I'll tell people I have a condition that required me to breathe in fresh air at all times.

A little Heroin will top off this dish perfectly

These are... Salt and Pepper shakers??

To add insult to injury, they cost $150.00



Yay Art?

You can choose to read the sarcasm

In case you can't tell, it actually says "Snort With Style" in the red box. What is that nifty product? It's a handy dandy coke plate. Because apparently the bathroom sink just isn't good enough anymore.

I fucking love America.

Why I am a Bad Person: Reason # 432

We took the cat to the vet today. He was keeping his left eye closed a lot of the time and it was concerning me. She gave us an eye ointment and told us to keep him in one of those head cones for a week so he doesn't scratch his eye more. It is the funniest thing to me, to see him struggling with the damn thing. It is funny to see him trying to get it off. It is funny to see him running into things because he doesn't realize his head area now takes up more space than it did before. It is funny to see how he has to lie down in a very prim and proper manner. Most of all, it is funny to watch him walk BACKWARDS in an attempt to not hit his head. He has been backing his way up all over the apartment and I am in stitches.